Afraid People Dont Like Me

This was an interesting one. At the end of the chat, the person said their mind was cleared, however I am not sure if we alleviated their initial topic. Something definitely got released though.  It could be that their topic is buried, or potentially they need to process the pain of the past event to release it (something they were not willing to do). Check it out… Interesting conversation.

You: Hi

Stranger: Hii

You: We are both interested in psychology. what interests you?

Stranger: Idk

Stranger: psychology is cool

Stranger: i have no time to learn abt it

You: Its a tough subject to learn about. Lots of things to it

Stranger: YES

You: I have figured out some things about psychology and therapy that have helped me a lot and I want to share them with others. Open to giving it a try?

Stranger: Yea sure

You: Ok cool. In order to do this, we need a topic. It should be something that is on your mind. Could be something that causes anxiety, sadness, or thoughts you don’t want

Stranger: idk what its called

Stranger: when i talk to people

Stranger: i feel like im annoying and im scared they might leave me bc iam

You: This is a great topic. I believe by the end of our chat

You: that wont be happening

Stranger: Okay!

You: Ok so when you talk to people you feel like youre annoying them? And scsared they might leave during the chat?

Stranger: yes

You: Is this all people? Or only for some?

Stranger: im scared they might leave me or dont like me

Stranger: so

Stranger: its

Stranger: when i get to know new people

Stranger: and i like them

Stranger: i get attached to them easily

Stranger: it counts for them

Stranger: soo

Stranger: all

Stranger: ig

Stranger: i only talk to people i like

You: Ok so if you have to talk to someone you dont like, this doesnt happen, right?

Stranger: Kinda

Stranger: so for example

Stranger: on omegle

Stranger: when im chatting with somebody

Stranger: and they suddenly skip

Stranger: i think that im annoying too

Stranger: and stuff

You: ok thats good to know. But what about off omegle

You: like at the store or something

You: just some cashier

You: or something mundane

You: still thoughts there?

Stranger: yes

Stranger: im scared i might sound weird

You: How long has this been happening? always or did it start at a certain time

Stranger: it started 1 1/4 years ago

Stranger: approximately

You: Ok lets try something, if it doesnt work, we can try some other things

Stranger: sur

Stranger: e

You: Ok, can you think of a time when you were talking to someone you really liked. you felt like you sounded weird and that you were annoying them. And maybe they left or didnt like you?

You: approximately 1 1/4 years ago

Stranger: yes

You: did something pop into mind?

Stranger: yes

You: ok just remember everything you can about that interaction

You: You may feel something, or maybe not. Just try to relive it and re-experience it again

You: in your mind

Stranger: My old bestfriend just was different than usual

Stranger: and it seemed like she was annoyed of me

Stranger: then she suddenly had a new bsf

Stranger: and i was just left alone

Stranger: she was my only friend

You: Ok so now I want to check in. Do you feel a slight difference about this fear now? Sometimes remembering something can help alleviate it

Stranger: ? what do you mean

You: So sometimes the thoughts we have have a source

You: and when we become aware of the source event, they stop coming up on their own

You: do you think you will still have these thoughts when talking to people. Here were the thoughts

You: I am scared they might leave me
I am scared they dont like me
I feel like I am annoying them
I am scared I might sound weird

Stranger: yes

You: Ok

You: want to try something else then?

Stranger: Yea

You: Ok this one will be kinda different. Its called a turnaround. I am going to turn your thoughts aroudn and just read them and see if any ring true:

Stranger: OKAY

You: I am scared I might leave me
I am scared I dont like me
I feel like I annoy myself

You: do any of those ring true?

Stranger: I am scared i might leave me?? im sorry but i dont understand what you mean

You: It sounds like it didnt work…

You: If it worked, it would resonate

You: with your mind

You: It seems to me that these thoughts are as a result of this past event. Would you agree?

Stranger: I guess

You: Can you re-read the thoughts and see if they match up to that past event with your old BFF?

You: I am scared they might leave me
I am scared they dont like me
I feel like I am annoying them
I am scared I might sound weird

Stranger: After that event i tried finding new friends but they all left over and over again

Stranger: i think i should add that

You: Ok

You: So when you read those thoughts tho, do they match up to that past experience?

Stranger: They all match

You: So I believe that this past event with your BFF has caused pain

Stranger: it did

You: and that pain didnt get fully processed and accepted. So you have this unprocessed pain

You: and it kinda pops up as these thoughts

You: because talking to people reminds you subconsciously of that moment.

You: So if this is all true.

You: The solution is to relive the moment with your friend and the pain until it kinda burns off and processes

You: As you reflect on it, and feel it, it should process

You: when you think about that past event with your old BFF, does emotion come up with it?

Stranger: yes

You: Ok see if you can really feel that emotion

Stranger: i dont want to think about

You: Just try to relax and allow it in

You: I think since you haven’t let it in, its popping up day to day

You: and preventing you from making new friends

You: Its kinda sabatouging in some way

You: So if you want it to go away forever, you have to be willing to rethink about it and feel it until you can do think about it without emotion

You: it may only take a minute

You: in my experience

You: are you willing to try it?

Stranger: wait

Stranger: ill drink some water

You: ^good idea

Stranger: im back

You: Ok, sometimes just rethinking about it brings up emotion. it may already be getting processed

You: how are you feeling right now?

Stranger: anxious

You: Are you resisting thinking about this past event?

Stranger: yes

You: I understand if you are… its hard

You: I have let go of so many of these patterns

You: I promise it doesn’t take too long to process. Even heavy things

You: But I also konw that if you dont process it, its going to stay in there.

You: And keep popping up as this fear. And I do believe this is affecting your ability to forge new connections

You: So again, your mission should you accept it. Is to relax, think about the moment and just let the emotion come in

Stranger: its not only that that affects my ability to find friends

Stranger: my personality is shit too

You: Whats stopping you from going into it and processing it?

Stranger: its just

Stranger: i dont want to think about it

Stranger: it was a very hard time for me

You: My friend.. You are thinking about it. Every time you interact with someone

Stranger: im trying to not think about it

You: I understand

You: The way out is through

You: can you think of some aspect of it?

You: maybe not the whole thing but ease into it?

You: sometimes I cover part of my face during a horror movie

You: cus I dont want to see it all at once

You: can you take that approach to it and process little by little?

Stranger: i dont think so

Stranger: when i try thinking abt it it all comes up

You: Let me ask you this. What would your life be like if this was fully processed and not ever on your mind?

Stranger: so

Stranger: i would have friends

You: What would it be liek to have friends?

Stranger: ??

You: So this is preventing you from making friends. What else is it preventing you from doing?

Stranger: im avoiding every kind of social contact but i think thats also bc of it

You: Ok so because this is unprocessed you arent making friends and you avoid all social contact

You: My friend… No inner pain is worth giving that up in life

Stranger: yes

You: I think you know what you need to do…

Stranger: ?

Stranger: i dont

You: You have to remember this event and process the pain. So that you can have a better life. One with friends

You: with your old bff

You: you are resisting thinking about it. But thinking about it and feeling it is the solution

You: thats how it gets processed

You: it will actually feel amazing after you do it. Trust me i’ve released some havey shit

You: heavy shit*

Stranger: so

Stranger: should i just

Stranger: think about it

You: Yes I would think about it and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up with it

You: you may cry a bit

You: or something

You: thats part of processing

You: you want to think about it as much as needed to allow all the emotion to process

You: until you can think about it all without feeling emotion, you will have these thoughts

You: will you give it a try?

Stranger: yea

You: are you alone? maybe good to be alone

Stranger: sorry if i wont answer

You: in case you cry

Stranger: im alone

You: take 5 mins. I will be here when youre done

You: close your eyes and think about it

Stranger: Np

Stranger: no

You: too painful?

Stranger: yes

You: Can you think about it and imagine it was a movie?

You: like characters in a movie?

You: well idk actually

You: I dont want to suggest something that may not work tried and true

Stranger: so

Stranger: i should imagine me and my bff

Stranger: but as if we were

Stranger: movie characters

You: its an idea

You: ive never done it

You: but I do KNOW

You: you have to process it and think about it

Stranger: or should i replace me and her with movie characters

You: Either. Think of it as a warmup to actually think about it

You: Do you think it may help you?

Stranger: i dont think so

Stranger: im bad at imagining things

You: Hmm ok so here’s where we are at. You have these debilitating thoughts. The thoughts are because there is an unprocessed event that was incredibly painful on you and the solution to releasing the thoughts is to process the pain.

You: What would help you move forward?

Stranger: finding someone who would make me feel safe, comfortable, understood and loved

You: Will you be able to do that while you have this stored pain?

Stranger: yes

You: Ok. I dont want to push you. I wish that you can process this pain at some point. as I mentioend, that is why you are having the thoughts you are having.

You: Unless you want me to ask questions to help you through it?

Stranger: that would be nice

You: What about the past event iwth your BFF was most painful?

Stranger: seeing her leave me

Stranger: and seeing somebody else near her

Stranger: that wasnt me

You: When you saw her leave you, what did you feel in your body?

You: when you saw that?

You: tension in chest, gut, etc

You: stomach

You: what did you feel?

Stranger: i was

Stranger: i just wanted to disappear

Stranger: idk

Stranger: its hard to describe

You: can you locate it in your body even if you dont share it?

Stranger: ?

You: When you saw her with this other person, what thoughts did you have?

Stranger: i thought :

Stranger: Why isnt it me?

Stranger: What did i do wrong?

Stranger: Its all my fault

You: So you think she left you becuase you did something wrong and it was your fault. Can you think of one possiblity that woudl make it not true?

You: that maybe it wasnt your fault or you didnt do anything wrong

Stranger: no

You: Is it possible that she just liked someone else. And you didnt really do anything wrong


You: Is it possible for you to like someone, and then like someone else more. And the person you first liked didnt do anything wrong

Stranger: I think its not

You: Is there something specific that you feel you did wrong?

You: that maybe contains a lot of pain and regert?

You: regret*

Stranger: i talked to much

Stranger: i got boring

You: Is it possible for someone to LIKE people who talk a lot?

You: I know people who do

You: Let me ask you this. Have you ever felt like you bore yourself?

You: thats a turnaround just seeing if it resonates

Stranger: kinda

You: ok think about this idea. “I bore myself” or “I am upset with myself for boring myself”

You: If it kinda resontes that is good

You: means something might have clicked.

Stranger: I lie a lot so i wont seem boring

You: Maybe you lie to keep from boring yourself

You: or being bored in yourself

You: ok I feel like something just clicked… but I could be wrong. How are you feeling now?

Stranger: i cant explain it

You: maybe we found something? When this works you will feel it. soemtimes its hard to explain

You: you feel different right? than like 5 mins ago? it coudl be subtle but its there

Stranger: yep

Stranger: i feel different

You: thats good ^

You: Now lets go back to the original topic and check in

Stranger: okay

You: I am scared they might leave me
I am scared they dont like me
I feel like I am annoying them
I am scared I might sound weird

You: these were your thoughts… Do they feel less heavy or kinda like there is a difference in some way?

Stranger: no

You: hmm ok so I think we found something but not the root cause of these thoughts.

You: So I think we found something . usually after a release I check in to see whats on your mind

Stranger: okayy

You: whats on your mind?

Stranger: idk

Stranger: nothing

Stranger: empty

You: Feeling better a bit?

You: more relaxed?

Stranger: yea

You: Ok great. We released 1 thing. I think if we keep working together eventually we can release the thoughts you are having during conversations. But we have to wait until more things are on your mind and keep releasing things 1 by 1.

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