Upset My Parents Compare Me

You: Hi

Stranger: Hello

You: We are both interested in psychology

You: what interests you?

Stranger: I am a 2nd year College major in BS Psychology

You: No way!

You: I have figured out some things about psychology and therapy that have helped me a lot and I want to share them with others. Open to giving it a try?

Stranger: Sure

You: Ok cool. In order to do this, we need a topic. It should be something that is on your mind. Could be something that causes anxiety, sadness, or thoughts you don’t want

Stranger: Hmmm how about pressure

You: yes

Stranger: Like for example peer pressure

You: Yes

You: thats a good topic

You: so you yourself experience peer pressure, correct?

Stranger: Of course

Stranger: Comparison between cousins

You: Tell me more?

Stranger: When my cousins got a high grade or an awards

Stranger: My parents will say why don’t you act like your cousins

You: Ahh I see

You: So lets get specific. Do you feel this because your cousins did better? Or because your parents brought it up

You: like lets say they did better but your parents didnt care?

You: is it an issue then?

Stranger: My real issue there is why should I need to be compared?

Stranger: Me and my cousins are different

You: So if your parents didnt care and didnt compare you, no issue, right?

Stranger: Yeah

You: Ok lets try something

You: I want you to think about when your parents do this…

You: This frustrating thing they do comparing you

You: And compelte the sentence. I am annoyed with my parents because _______

You: try to write whatever comes to mind

Stranger: It’s always my fault

You: They always make it your fault?

You: right?

Stranger: Yeah

You: Ok lets try something… Its going to seem counterintuitive ok

You: “I am annoyed with myself because I always make it my fault.”

You: or

You: “I am annoyed with myself because I always make it their fault”

You: did either of those resonate? you may have to reflect a little

Stranger: Actually of I think that way I will get more depressed

You: I am not asking you to think that way. I want you to see if you have ever thougth that way

Stranger: Never

You: Interesting.

You: Ok so you never really think things are your fault that are not your fault?

Stranger: I didn’t do anything wrong I’m just being myself

You: Yeah I get that

You: sometimes we react to others because part of us does the thing they are doing, but we do it subconsciously

You: by exposing it and making it conscious, we actually release it

You: Can we try one more thing?

You: it may not be that one

Stranger: Btw where are you from?

You: CA

You: the states

Stranger: Ohhh

You: Want to try one more thing? I have an idea

Stranger: Sure

You: Ok… So can you think of a time where you didnt do anything wrong, you were just being yourself, but someone made something your fault?

You: from the past

Stranger: Hmmm

You: usually if it works some idea comes to mind

You: some memory

Stranger: Wait

Stranger: Ahhh sometimes I realtalk people like for example I don’t like their attitude I will say it to them face to face

Stranger: Some people don’t like that attitude of minr

You: ohh so you were just being yourself, real talking and someone made that your fault?

You: they kinda blamed you or something

Stranger: Yeah

You: Ok how many times has this happened

You: ?

Stranger: Yeah just because I am telling the truth 😂

You: can you think of a few times?

Stranger: It happened a lot especially in my highschool days

You: Ok. So when you remembered this, did it feel like something clicked?

You: obviously you know it happened

You: but in this context sometimes it feels like… kinda makes you think

Stranger: Hmmm actually I still think I didn’t do anything wrong 😂

You: I know!

You: im not saying you did

Stranger: I’m just being myself and telling what I think is the truth

You: so we are working on the idea of your parents comparing you

Stranger: I always tell the truth even if it means I will hurt someone

You: and so your mind is saying they make things my fault that are not my fault

You: and im wondering if that is connected in some way to them making this your fault when it wasnt

You: sometimes if we can find the connection, you wont be as annoyed about the cousin comparins thing

Stranger: Actually now I don’t care if my parents compare

You: awesome

You: so I would say we figured something out. nice work

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